Filed under: family life, my faith journey | Tags: christianity, God, John 4, spirit, worship
It’s a brand new week and I am really excited about it. I just feel like there is something big on the horizon… both personally and corporately for the church fellowship I am apart of. There are times when you can just sense that God is on the move. This is one of those times, and so I just want to make sure that I am in the right place to get totally caught up in it.
Jesus said in John 4, “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.” What does that look like for you? What does it mean to you to be one who worships in spirit and in truth? Let me know your thoughts.
Filed under: family life, my faith journey | Tags: children, christianity, death, faith, life, parenting
We have been going through an interesting “phase” with our 5 year old lately. She is totally consumed with fear. Some of it is funny like when she was playing with her little brother and he cracked his knuckles and her eyes filled with tears as she was just CERTAIN that his fingers were going to fall off. We are happy to report that brother still has all 5 digits on both hands, by the way.
But then there are other manifestations that break my heart. Just this morning, she had mom “check her heart” two different times just to make sure it was still beating. The rest of the morning was filled with questions about little kids dying, why hospitals are scary and our impending mortality. Ok, she never said, “impending mortality”, she’s only five. But that was certainly the spirit of the conversation. All I know is that my 5 year old is totally consumed with a fear of dying. And it breaks my heart because there are times when, in my estimation, she misses life.
As i have spent the morning processing, and I am afraid that I have to confess that perhaps her struggle is a lesson in just how near the tree apples really do fall. I wouldn’t say that I am afraid of death in the same sense that she is. In fact, to be honest, I think of it very little. But I think I am so afraid that something I do or say will lead to or expose some sort of inner, spiritual deadness and so I work and work not live, but simply to avoid death.
And so I miss living.
Habakkuk 1:5 tells us, “Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” If God were to do something amazing in this age (and, for the record, I believe He is), would I even notice it? Or am I too caught up in avoiding my own spiritual death that I miss the move of the One who is bringing life?
This morning I have realized that the best way I can help my beautiful little 5 year old is to let her see her father cast off all fear of death, spiritual or otherwise, and embrace this moment with all I’ve got; to let her see her dad avail himself fully to what his heavenly Dad is doing in this moment; to show her that while the truth of scripture demands that “the wages of sin is death”, the beauty of the heart of our Father counters with, “but the fee gift of God is eternal life.”
And even a scary hospital can’t stop that.
Filed under: my faith journey | Tags: 2010, christianity, david crowder, forgiveness, goals, grace, jennifer knapp, love, peace, resolutions
I have really been feeling the urge to write lately. Not sure why or about what, but I had a few moments and figured I would give it a go.
There is a line in a Dave Crowder Band lyric that goes, “I think I’m on the break of something large, maybe like the breaking of a dawn…” I have been consumed as of late with a similar feeling. I just feel like there is more right beyond my grasp, and I desperately want to take hold of it.
So what’s holding me back? I think the writer of the book of Hebrews called it “the sin that so easily entangles” and I hate it. I just hate that you can take so caution and care to avoid falling into catastrophic moral failure, only to have the devil sneak up and kick you from behind with something that can seem totally innocuous and innocent and you still end up feeling broken and heavy and separated from the One who loves you. It just seems like it is so tough to gain any momentum on your faith journey, you know?
I’m sick of it.
I want more. I want to recapture the pure ecstasy and joy of my first days with Him. I want to look at the scripture and notice little nuances that I have skipped over in the past but that change my whole understanding of who He is and how much He loves me. I want to see him around every bend without being jaded or cynical or skeptical. I want my heart to overflow with compassion and mercy and I want to be motivated by a blinding love of the One who calls me so much that reflection of Him is reflex. What happened? Why can’t I find that?
The best I can come up with is that I think I have forgotten that it isn’t about me finding it. It is about getting back to a place where it can once again find me.
That same song by Crowder goes on to say, “letting go gives a better grip”. I know. It didn’t make sense to me either at first. But did the stories of Christ really ever make sense to the original hearers, or were people more often left scratching their head and seeking for deeper meaning?
Here is the best I can come up with. When I first came to Him, I was so keenly aware of my total inability to deserve His love that I never tried to prove to Him that I was good enough. I just sat honestly about my fallenness and brokenness and allowed him to pour out grace beyond my wildest imagination. In short, I was willing to admit I needed saving and let Him be the savior. And then somewhere along the way, I got it all backwards.
So much of my pursuit of Him lately has been focused on behavior. I certainly don’t want to suggest that Christ doesn’t care about my behavior, as I know He does deeply. I know He desires more than anything for me to “live a life worthy of the calling that I have recieved,” but I also know that it can’t be about me living out some set of rules and actions that I have deemed good enough. Heck, he spent most of His public ministry speaking against people who did that. He isn’t looking for me to be able to perform, but rather for me to admit that I need Him.
See, I have to come back to terms with the truth that I need Him just as much now as I ever have. I need to realize that even right now, on my best day, I am broken and flawed and imperfect. I need to know that I don’t have to get good to go to Him… I can just go to Him, and He will make me good in the way He sees fit. I need a savior.
And so, I begin 2010 with a decision to let go… to let go of control, to let go of a need to perform, to let go of self loathing, and I hope that in doing so I will get a better grip on just how much He loves me.
I close with the lines from another of my favorite songs, this one by Jennifer Knapp, “I’m weak, I’m poor, I’m broken, LORD, but I’m yours.”
Enough is enough. I have come up with excuse after excuse for being lazy and tired and letting my passion slip away moment by moment. I’m done with that. I get to choose how I will respond to life, and guess what life? I’m done letting you kick my behind.
I know that it has been so long since I blogged that no one really reads this anymore, but no matter. If to one other than myself I make a declaration that from this moment on, there are changes coming. Time to smile more, laugh more, accept more, criticize less, pray more, read more, focus more, take time for the “small stuff” more, love more, gossip less, give more, take less, worship harder (even when I don’t feel like it), make a difference more, write more, think more, expect less, desire more…
Life is always full of things to use as excuses, but at the end of the day, the only thing to blame is my own self. So, let’s get back in the game. Life is too short, and I want to live it for all it’s worth.
Heavenly Father, thank you for your patience with me, and I confess to you that I have settled for less… less than your best for me, less than you created me for… less. Today, I desire more… more of you, more joy, more purpose… more. Thank you that you are always willing to be found when I seek you with all of my heart (jer 29:13). Forgive me for the times when I have barely sought you at all. May today be the beginning of something amazing. I give it all to you. You rock.
Filed under: family life, my faith journey, randomness and miscellany | Tags: chili, christianity, cold weather, faith, family, God, love
It’s cold here tonight. Well, at least South Texas Cold. i was excited, because that meant chili night. Chili night is not something taken lightly in the Powers family. Think more, rite of passage, primal man thing. Growing up, some of my fondest memories are of my dad wearing a flannel shirt and cooking chili and corn bread in his gigantic harvest gold pot as we sat around and talked and hung out by the fire… I love those memories.
Fast forward 25 years or so, and I find myself pleasurably on the other side of the chili pot so to speak. Tonight, I felt like a dad. i know that sounds silly seeing as how I am a dad, but this was one of those moments where I found myself being like my old man, and I loved it. I saw my wife and two kids sitting by the fire and laughing as I sat in the kitchen with my pot (sorry, dad… I’ve passed on harvest gold and settled instead on a sleeker stainless steel model) making a pot of red, and loving every second of this pretty sweet life I’ve got. And I hope that someday Carson will remember tonight as fondly as I remember those nights with my dad, and then I hope it will spur him on to continue the tradition with his little ones. LIke I said, it’s a big deal in the Powers family.
But this all got me to wondering… what are the moments when the Father looks down on us, smiles, and says, “tonight I feel like a dad!”? What things will he someday tell us of with a fondness in His eyes?
And maybe more importantly, what are they so I can be sure to pass them on to my little guy and gal? Family is a big deal to the Almighty.
No answers, but the tought made me smile, so I thought I would share it. Life’s short… love your family.
Filed under: family life, my faith journey, youth ministry | Tags: busyness, christianity, faith, life lessons
Seven years ago I began my journey into youth ministry by teaching a 5th grade class. Eventually, my volunteer role morphed into my life’s calling and full time vocation. The first several months left me working a full time job that i didn’t really like, pouring into a full time ministry that I was passionate about, and planning a wedding to the woman of my dreams. It was insane, but I convince myself it was just a “busy season”. Seven years, 1 wedding, 2 children, countless camps and retreats and events and football games later, I find that season never ended.
Busyness isn’t unique to ministry, we are all busy, all the time. I have found that even in full time, vocational church work (I often tell my students that I am a professional Christian) my personal spiritual development takes a back seat to the tasks at hand. The problem is that there is always a task at hand. Lately I have been thinking alot about what to make of all this. If busyness is the norm (we could debate whether that should or shouldn’t be the case, but that’s not for here or now) than how do i find Christ in the midst of the norm? Today, I write not as one winning, but rather as one losing but who desperately wants to find a better way. To that end, I offer a couple of suggestions for finding faith in the frantic…
1. Make the most of moments that aren’t crazy
There are moments of calm even in the craziest of days… turn the radio off in the car, take the long way to the copier, heck, put the magazine down in the bathroom and instead talk to Him. Don’t worry about the way it sounds, just tell Him what’s going on in your day. Vent, confess, listen… connect. A couple of minutes won’t kill you or set you behind. Be willing to let your mind slow down and focus only on Him, even if just for a couple of minutes at a time. I promise, it will change the way you look at the world around you.
2. Realize who God really is, and who really isn’t God
Start each day reminding yourself that you aren’t God, and He is. There is nothing you face today that God can help walk you through. he created you, your boss, the person who invented the industry you are employed in… In Colossians 1 we are told that in him everything is help together and finds it’s purpose. I laugh at myself when I say I am too busy to stop and pray… isn’t it at those times i should stop the most? Martin Luther once said, “My life is too busy not to spend the first three hours of it in prayer.”
Show off.
But seriously… you aren’t God. I’m not either. We can’t make it perfect in our own strength. Sure, we could finish the task, but at what cost? What we can do is connect to the one who is perfect. And more than completing the task, we will find ourselves feeling more completed. We were designed to be dependant… not on pay checks or approval, but on Him.
Again, I ain’t there yet, but I want to be. Next month will be busier than this month, and then, well… let’s just say it looks like this season is going to be a long one. If I can’t change the pace, I can at least change who I follow. Here’s hoping.
Filed under: my faith journey | Tags: christianity, election, faith, hope, mccain, obama, prayer
Last night our country changed direction. As I sat and watched the returns roll in my emotion changed from hope, to shock, to disappointment… heck, there was even a little fear mixed in. As the night wore on, a strange thing took the place of all of that… I became resolved.
This may come as a surprise, but there are actually a few things that I am thankful for after last night. First, I am thankful that while last night we elected a new president, we still serve the same King. The country changed direction and perhaps ideologies, but Christ didn’t, for He is the Lord, and He does not change. It is easy to get wrapped up in a situation that seems hopeless, but our God is a God of hope, and God who promises that ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. God was not surprised by the election results last night. His plan is still to give me hope and a future, I now have the task of walking in obedience to Him.
Second, I am thankful for a renewed passion to pray for our country and the man who will be leading it. We can no longer be Red Elephants or Blue Donkeys, we, the body of Christ, must now make our second most important affiliation simply Americans, united under one cause, which is to see America again become, “one nation, under God, indivisible…” My hope is that those who voted for Senator McCain will now pray for Barack Obama to become intimately intune with voice of God even harder than they prayed that he wouldn’t win the election. More than most, this man need the wisdom of Solomon, and the guidance of a just and merciful God. I am thankful that God is up to that challenge. But we have to step up, church. There is no place anymore for partisanship, at least not until 2012. We are all in this together, and as for me, I choose to stand on the promise that “if My people who are called by name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” The charge isn’t to pray that another be convicted of his sin, though we certainly can, the charge is to admit where WE have fallen short of God’s glorious standard, and then pray. Pray for our country, pray for President-Elect Obama, and pray that God heal our land. The truth is that God desires that even this man would come to an intimate, passionate, life-changing closeness with Him. It’s our job to stand in the gap for him until he does.
Finally, I am thankful for the privilege of being called a son of God, for I know that any Father worth his salt looks out for his kids, even in the most trying of times. I am thankful that there is a God more trustworthy than the nation in which I live, and I am thankful for the grace and mercy He has showered on me. The next four years are going to be interesting to say the least, but I KNOW THAT GOD IS IN THIS WITH US!! And, in the end, that brings me back to hope. After all, if He is for us, whom then shall we fear?
Filed under: family life, my faith journey, randomness and miscellany, Uncategorized | Tags: blah, brother, david crowder, grace, marriage, tractor
I’m having a melancholy day. Now real reason, just sort feel down a little bit. Things are going pretty well, I just feel… well, blah I guess would be the word for it.
I am disatisfied with my spiritual place right now. I feel lazy. I don’t feel far from God. This is different. Like, I know he’s in the room, but I’m too apathetic to get up and talk to Him. Does that make sense? How do you fight that? I would be happy to take any suggestions. The funny thing is I could probably teach on it, but I am having trouble taking what I know and transforming it into what I live. David Crowder says, “I’m so bored of little gods while standing on the edge of something large.” I think that sums it up nicely.
You know what is convicting? I will wake up early to go play golf, a game I suck at… a game which hates me and makes fun of me and makes me question my manhood. I’ll wake up before dawn, pound some coffee, and hit the links and never even think twice. But wake up early for a consistent quiet time? Where’s the snooze bar? It’s not that i don’t have time with God, but I have to ask is this what He intended our relationship to be. I think that if i gave my wife the same amount of time I did my Savior, my marriage would fail. Guess I take grace for granted.
Maybe that’s it. I heard my brother once talk about the difference between cheap grace and costly grace. He quoted a really smart sounding guy named Dietrich Bonhoeffer and I was moved and challenged, but if I’m honest, cheap grace is easier.
A couple of weeks ago I went with my Mother-in-law to buy Carson a toy for doing such a good job being ring bear at aunt wowies wedding. (that’s ring bearer at aunt valerie’s wedding for those of you who don’t speak two year old). Anyway, we went to Dollar General to look for a prize, and Carson found the $2 tractor everyboy dreams of. It wasn’t fisher price, or even close to one of the expensive models, but it was a tractor. And he loved playing with it for the 7 minutes lasted. Cheap tractors are more accesible, but they break.
And that’s what I’m feeling about grace. I always feel like it is broken… like it won’t work for me or isn’t enough. Cheap grace is easy to come by, like a get out of jail free card in Monopoly, but, as I am learning, it often breaks. Costly grace, on the other hand, grace that came at a great price and asks more of the reciever (it’s not an in case of emergency, it demands a way of life) lasts. It’s forever… it’s a legacy.
When we were in Iowa, my father-in-law showed carson a tractor of his from when he was a kid. Carson was fascinated… he loved it. No doubt Steve’s tractor cost more than Dollar General imitation, but it remains as a tractor loving legacy that now impacts generations.
As it is with grace. Costly grace changes you… it leaves it’s mark and affects the way you view and relate to your whole world, but from my seat, it’s worth it if lasts, if it refuses to break. That’s the grace God wants us to wash ourselves in… grace that is forever. There is much that stands between me and it, namely self because this type of grace will demand I lay down my life and my wants and my desires, but it also promises to replace them with new ones… ones that fulfill.
So, as for the blah’s, they are still hanging around, but hopefully not for long. I want to find ways to press in… ways beyond a quiet time and a token prayer at dinner. It seems like a lot of work. Hard work. Painful work. But as I type, I realize that cheap grace isn’t any less work. The cheap grace I settle for demands that I work to fix it, a work I’ll never be able to complete. Costly grace simply suggests I work to enjoy it.
Filed under: my faith journey, youth ministry | Tags: christianity, passion, wednesday, youth ministry
We have been in a weird place lately with our Wednesday Night Program. It seems to be loosing steam. Some of it stems from busy schedules and football season, and some of it results from having a huge group of seniors who tend to find reasons to slow their attendance during their last year of high school. I have actually lost sleep about the changes, but tonight, I am actually heading towards peace. Here are a couple of reasons why…
First, the kids who are coming are engaged and love it. That’s a win. I have to admit that I have fallen into numbers watching. I know that the saying is true that healthy things grow, but I also know that there is often pruning (shrinking) before growth. I also know, to quote Dallas Willard, that “Christians ought to be weighed, not counted.” It isn’t just numerical growth that suggests health, it is spiritual health, and there is a very healthy percentage of our kids who are growing spiritually. I never want to discount that for the sake of numbers. Shame on me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not ignoring our decline or speaking against large programs. Quite the opposite. We have had meetings at length abut the program… what’s wrong and how do we fix it. But what I have finally come to is that my primary job is to make student disciples who love God, love others and serve their world. I have to pray about whether or not I am hitting the mark in those areas, and if I am, then numbers don’t matter. My call is to disciple those who God leads to me. If I feel that I am missing the mark, then beating myself up doesn’t lead to gain, either. Repent, and then hit the ground running. I am passionate about students. I want to see them reached for the glory of Christ. I recommit myself to making sure that every young person God brings to me knows they are loved.
Secondly, I feel good because it has solidified in my mind some changes that need to be made. I am not ready to roll them out in this setting, but just know that I have had a lot in my head about the way we do ministry and the why we hold onto certain programs, and I feel like we may be in a season when our students are looking for depth that can’t necessarily be found in a huge group. I love where we are at, and I love where we are headed next.
God has been good to me. I, on the other hand, often take God’s credit, while letting him shoulder all the blame. For that, I am sorry. Today, I surrender myself FULLY to the almighty. God, I want what you want, and I want you to destroy the places in my heart and mind where that statement isn’t true. I desire intimacy with you like I have never felt, even aware of the sacrifice that this will require. Let me not just make disciples, but first be one. I love you, and I thank you for loving me.
Filed under: family life, my faith journey, randomness and miscellany | Tags: Dallas Cowboys, pancakes, weddings
I have actually missed blogging. I was in a part of the world that I didn’t even know still existed… a place where the internet has not yet found it’s way. I have to be honest, it was refreshing. But I’m glad to be back.
I got do something really cool this weekend… I got to perform the wedding ceremony for my sister-in-law (who is like the little sister I’ve never had) and her new husband. It was awesome. it was hard to look at Val and not see the pancake eating 15 year old I first met, but there she was, exchanging vows and starting the next chapter of her life. It was surreal and cool all at the same time. My head is swimming with reflection and insight, but none of it is organized enough to drop down here on the blog. I’ll get it down as soon as it makes sense in my own head.
In other news, how ’bout them Cowboys? It’s nice to be a fan of a team who can play like GARBAGE and wtill win convincingly. Time to pray against injury. Oh, and while I’m at it, Jerry Jones, will you please wuit having plastic surgery? You are scaring my kids.
And speaking of scaring my kids, found this little video nugget on another blog and I thought I would share it. These guys also thought that church can still be cool, unfortunately, they can not be, and therein lies the problem…
Church Can Still Be Cool 