Filed under: Uncategorized
Last night we had a prayer gathering at my church, River City Community Church in San Antonio. We have, as a congregation, decided that it was time to really press in and set ourselves about listening to the Lord. Not that we haven’t been over the past number of years, but we felt it was time to say that if necessary, everything else would stop and we would just seek His face and hear His voice and follow His leading. Period.
So, last night we got together with no agenda other than to worship and listen. I am about to make a statement that I have never made before, and so I hope that I communicate well, but about half way through the evening, you could feel His presence in the room. It was amazing. And from that moment on, through our prayers and worship, we noticed a consistent theme arising. It became clear that the Lord was speaking. And it was awesome. Person after person spoke of coming in burdened, but leaving with a sense of purpose and healing. Life change happened in our midst, and it was mind blowing to watch it.
Since that meeting, I have been processing through what made last night different, and I can only come up with one thing, so I offer it up to you for discussion. Could it be that the difference was in our focus? Last night, we got beyond the music, beyond the noise, beyond the crowd, and we just waited on Him. Is it possible that there are times when we, with the best of intentions, get wrapped up in the programming of a church service or the vibe in a room, and so we miss Christ? I am reminded of the story of Elijah when he needed to hear from the Lord. he went to the mouth of the cave and waited. There was the great wind, the mighty earth quake, and the consuming fire, but God wasn’t in those things. Instead, Elijah found God in the sound of a gentle whisper. It wasn’t until Elijah got past the noise, the mood, the emotion that he found the almighty. Seems like God has been on to this secret for years.
So, what is the noise for you? What is it that is keeping you from hearing from God? What are the distractions, even those that appear good, that are keeping you from the best? The truth is, that gentle whisper is calling to all of us. The only variable is whether or not we are quiet enough to hear it.
Is his presence worth the work of silencing the noise?
Filed under: family life, my faith journey | Tags: christianity, God, John 4, spirit, worship
It’s a brand new week and I am really excited about it. I just feel like there is something big on the horizon… both personally and corporately for the church fellowship I am apart of. There are times when you can just sense that God is on the move. This is one of those times, and so I just want to make sure that I am in the right place to get totally caught up in it.
Jesus said in John 4, “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.” What does that look like for you? What does it mean to you to be one who worships in spirit and in truth? Let me know your thoughts.
Filed under: family life, my faith journey | Tags: children, christianity, death, faith, life, parenting
We have been going through an interesting “phase” with our 5 year old lately. She is totally consumed with fear. Some of it is funny like when she was playing with her little brother and he cracked his knuckles and her eyes filled with tears as she was just CERTAIN that his fingers were going to fall off. We are happy to report that brother still has all 5 digits on both hands, by the way.
But then there are other manifestations that break my heart. Just this morning, she had mom “check her heart” two different times just to make sure it was still beating. The rest of the morning was filled with questions about little kids dying, why hospitals are scary and our impending mortality. Ok, she never said, “impending mortality”, she’s only five. But that was certainly the spirit of the conversation. All I know is that my 5 year old is totally consumed with a fear of dying. And it breaks my heart because there are times when, in my estimation, she misses life.
As i have spent the morning processing, and I am afraid that I have to confess that perhaps her struggle is a lesson in just how near the tree apples really do fall. I wouldn’t say that I am afraid of death in the same sense that she is. In fact, to be honest, I think of it very little. But I think I am so afraid that something I do or say will lead to or expose some sort of inner, spiritual deadness and so I work and work not live, but simply to avoid death.
And so I miss living.
Habakkuk 1:5 tells us, “Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” If God were to do something amazing in this age (and, for the record, I believe He is), would I even notice it? Or am I too caught up in avoiding my own spiritual death that I miss the move of the One who is bringing life?
This morning I have realized that the best way I can help my beautiful little 5 year old is to let her see her father cast off all fear of death, spiritual or otherwise, and embrace this moment with all I’ve got; to let her see her dad avail himself fully to what his heavenly Dad is doing in this moment; to show her that while the truth of scripture demands that “the wages of sin is death”, the beauty of the heart of our Father counters with, “but the fee gift of God is eternal life.”
And even a scary hospital can’t stop that.
Filed under: my faith journey | Tags: 2010, christianity, david crowder, forgiveness, goals, grace, jennifer knapp, love, peace, resolutions
I have really been feeling the urge to write lately. Not sure why or about what, but I had a few moments and figured I would give it a go.
There is a line in a Dave Crowder Band lyric that goes, “I think I’m on the break of something large, maybe like the breaking of a dawn…” I have been consumed as of late with a similar feeling. I just feel like there is more right beyond my grasp, and I desperately want to take hold of it.
So what’s holding me back? I think the writer of the book of Hebrews called it “the sin that so easily entangles” and I hate it. I just hate that you can take so caution and care to avoid falling into catastrophic moral failure, only to have the devil sneak up and kick you from behind with something that can seem totally innocuous and innocent and you still end up feeling broken and heavy and separated from the One who loves you. It just seems like it is so tough to gain any momentum on your faith journey, you know?
I’m sick of it.
I want more. I want to recapture the pure ecstasy and joy of my first days with Him. I want to look at the scripture and notice little nuances that I have skipped over in the past but that change my whole understanding of who He is and how much He loves me. I want to see him around every bend without being jaded or cynical or skeptical. I want my heart to overflow with compassion and mercy and I want to be motivated by a blinding love of the One who calls me so much that reflection of Him is reflex. What happened? Why can’t I find that?
The best I can come up with is that I think I have forgotten that it isn’t about me finding it. It is about getting back to a place where it can once again find me.
That same song by Crowder goes on to say, “letting go gives a better grip”. I know. It didn’t make sense to me either at first. But did the stories of Christ really ever make sense to the original hearers, or were people more often left scratching their head and seeking for deeper meaning?
Here is the best I can come up with. When I first came to Him, I was so keenly aware of my total inability to deserve His love that I never tried to prove to Him that I was good enough. I just sat honestly about my fallenness and brokenness and allowed him to pour out grace beyond my wildest imagination. In short, I was willing to admit I needed saving and let Him be the savior. And then somewhere along the way, I got it all backwards.
So much of my pursuit of Him lately has been focused on behavior. I certainly don’t want to suggest that Christ doesn’t care about my behavior, as I know He does deeply. I know He desires more than anything for me to “live a life worthy of the calling that I have recieved,” but I also know that it can’t be about me living out some set of rules and actions that I have deemed good enough. Heck, he spent most of His public ministry speaking against people who did that. He isn’t looking for me to be able to perform, but rather for me to admit that I need Him.
See, I have to come back to terms with the truth that I need Him just as much now as I ever have. I need to realize that even right now, on my best day, I am broken and flawed and imperfect. I need to know that I don’t have to get good to go to Him… I can just go to Him, and He will make me good in the way He sees fit. I need a savior.
And so, I begin 2010 with a decision to let go… to let go of control, to let go of a need to perform, to let go of self loathing, and I hope that in doing so I will get a better grip on just how much He loves me.
I close with the lines from another of my favorite songs, this one by Jennifer Knapp, “I’m weak, I’m poor, I’m broken, LORD, but I’m yours.”
Church Can Still Be Cool 